Tonight I am missing my husband who is back in the state where we met working on a short project. We toyed with making the journey with him as we have done in the past. Initial excitement followed with reality of small children, a baby cutting a tooth, schedules in place and Luke's long awaited belt graduation ceremony this week. Loving each other far apart is challenging and makes sense only with the faith we cherish wrapped around us. Our oldest son tells everyone plainly, without reservation that "Fireproof" is his favorite movie. He asks us every weekend if we can watch a Christian show. Every night before we have our last hug of the day I ask Luke, "How are you going to shine your light tomorrow?' If we don't thread our days and nights with a plan how can we get through what life hands us? I need to hear him say what he plans to do with his light to give me something to look forward to in life. Most of the time he says, "smile" or "be happy" and it sounds so simple. Yet, it is so easy to get in a fight with a sibling over a Wii remote and who gets the first toaster stick or the seat next to the baby. And then when they do smile and laugh and giggle I celebrate the way the plan is working!
When I think of how I want let my light shine in logical terms I make lists about health plans and organizing clutter and a better system for laundry. As I rewind the day I think my Mommy light actually works better in a whole different way. At the playground when it was time to go, instead of ordering the boys to tear themselves away from friends and fun I suggested we look for mud puddles on the way to the car. God willing we didn't find any but the joy and light in their little faces hoping to discover a huge one made me tempted to pour my water on some dirt to let them have a splash.
Our light touches each other in gentle ways and in lasting moments. Tony brings such a bright light of love with him when walks in the door every week after a trip away. These wiggly guys are the lights I need to keep busy and growing in the midst of the complications the airplane schedules and client demands wield upon our attempt to make family first. Tony will have to miss the ceremony honoring Luke's accomplishment of becoming a First Degree Black Belt Recommended. There isn't a twist in this story like in the movies. We could defer to being bitter, but I have learned over the last 6 years with my husband away most of the week that focusing on where we bring each other light and love is more healing. We would rather have all 5 of us squished on a couch and I have my nights where I am teary and emotional but we always end by praying and it just brings me back to the meaning and depth of what we are all about. If Christ can die on a cross for me, the ultimate light.... I can make it through the traveling life.
